


Everything's All Different!

by Nightelfbane



Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Cunnilingus, Drunk Sex, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, Nudity, Oral Sex, Resurrection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-31
Updated: 2018-01-31
Packaged: 2019-03-11 02:08:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13514523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nightelfbane/pseuds/Nightelfbane
Summary: Commander Shepard is having...troubles...after the Lazarus Project. She blames Miranda.





	Everything's All Different!

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Hardware Update](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5934784) by [buhnebeest](https://archiveofourown.org/users/buhnebeest/pseuds/buhnebeest). 



> If you spot any spelling or grammatical errors, point them out so I can correct them.

Miranda looked up from her lunch in the mess hall as Commander Jane Shepard's voice came over the shipwide intercom.

"Miranda Lawshon, you...you get your perfect ass up to my quarters and exp-explain yourself!" Her voice was slurred.

_What the hell?_

Miranda stood up, leaving her lunch on the counter for Gardener to clean up. Amid the amused snickers of the other crewmembers, she headed towards the elevator.

The commander's cabin door was locked. Miranda hit the doorchime and waited. 

"I'm  _not_ coming!" Came the belligerent cry from within. The Cerberus operative heard stumbling and a crash in the background. The haptic interface in the middle of the door turned green before it opened. 

Miranda's jaw dropped, just for a moment. The commander was completely nude, her Lazarus scars glowing faintly. She was leaning on the doorway with a bottle of...Miranda squinted at the label. Dear lord, she was drinking ryncol again.

"Shepard?"

The redhead prodded Miranda in the breast through the black catsuit, glaring at her. "This ish all your fault! You and you and your stupid Lazarus thing!"

Miranda was dumbfounded. "Excuse me?"

Shepard grabbed Lawson's collar and pulled her into her cabin, down the steps and past the aquarium. Miranda noted that the fish were floating at the top of the water, dead. Again.

The commander flopped down on the bed on her back, her legs falling apart and exposing all to Miranda. Shepard's impact with the bed disturbed a variety of colorful items, causing some of them to fall to the floor. Looking closer, Miranda realized what they were.

"Good lord, Shepard! Where did you even get all these?"

Shepard sat up inside a veritable nest of sex toys, glaring blearily at her. "Last time I was on the - hic! - Citadel."

"But how - nevermind. Shepard, what's all this about?"

"You ruined my vagina!"

For the second time that day, Miranda was at a loss for words. "I...what?"

Shepard motioned downwards with one hand while spreading her her lower lips with the other. "Everything's all different!" She cried. Miranda glanced down before she could stop herself. She jerked her gaze back up and focused it on the commander's flushed face.

"I can't get myshelf off, and it's your fault!" She collapsed backwards on the bed again. "I've been trying for  _hours!_ "

Miranda remembered missing Shepard at breakfast that morning. "You've been masturbating all _day?_ " 

"Yesh! Nothing works! Could do it just fine _before_ I died." She glared from her position on the bed. "You were in charge of the Lazarus Project, this is your fault!" She said again. 

Miranda pinched the bridge of her nose. "Shepard, you have to understand, it wasn't a perfect reconstruction. We did the best we could with what we had."

"And now my eyes are all glowy - hic! - and my clit'sh all weird and my g-spot's on a fuckin' vacation." Shepard let out a mournful groan and took another swig of ryncol. "Now I'm - hic! - doomed to eternal disappointment."

"Oh, for the love of..." Miranda sighed, reached over Shepard's body and snatched the bottle away. 

"Hey! Gimme..." Shepard trailed off as she realized that Miranda's perfect breasts were hanging mere inches above her face. 

The Cerberus operative took her own swig of ryncol, grimacing at the bitter taste, before grabbing a hair tie from the commander's nightstand. She stood up, set the bottle on the coffee table, and put her hair up in a ponytail.

"What...what're you doing?" Shepard slurred, sitting up.

Miranda pushed Shepard backwards again and knelt at the foot of the bed. 

"Hey! What - ooohhh..." Shepard's voice trailed off in a pleasured moan as Miranda laid a long, slow lick up her slit. 

She wasted no more time, diving in and swirling her tongue around Shepard's opening. She brought her fingers upwards to the bundle of nerves there, brushing it gently. She was rewarded with an enthusiastic bucking of Shepard's hips and an even more enthusiastic cry of ecstacy. 

Miranda pushed her tongue inside as she played with the commander's clit, rubbing it in circles. Heat pulsed throughout Shepard's body as Miranda ate her out. 

The commander's cries of pleasure turned into a disappointed moan when Miranda pulled back. The Cerberus agent slipped a finger inside and moved her mouth to her clit, renewing her cries.

Miranda thrust in and out slowly, but picking up speed. "God, Miranda, don't stop..." Shepard managed to say through the alcohol and sex induced haze clouding her mind. 

Lawson pushed a second finger inside, rubbing up against the swollen patch on Shepard's upper wall. The commander's cries evolved into full-fledged screams as she writhed under Miranda's attentions.

Shepard's efforts of the day had brought her close to the edge, but never close enough to unleash the tension coiling in her belly. It didn't take long for Miranda to bring her back to that spot, and even further past it. 

"Mir...Mira... _Miranda!_ " Shepard screamed as her orgasm finally exploded through her body. Fantastic ecstacy rippled through her in waves, setting her shaking and trembling in every limb. Her scars and eyes flashed brightly as she came, only dimming as her orgasm subsided. Miranda let her ride her climax out on her hand and mouth, feeling the way her walls clenched and fluttered around her fingers.

When Shepard was still again, Miranda gently pulled out and stood up, her face glistening with her arousal. "There. I trust that was - oh, you have got to be fucking kidding me."

Shepard was snoring softly, dead to the world with limbs askew. Sweat beaded on her skin and her hair was spread across the sheets behind her. Miranda sighed and went into the bathroom to clean her face.

* * *

Jack and Mordin were waiting for her when the elevator opened on the Crew Deck.

Miranda halted on her way out of the elevator upon seeing them. Jack was giving her a shit-eating grin and Mordin, while harder to read, was definitely amused. 

"What?" Miranda asked suspiciously.

Jack cackled. "You fucked Shepard!"

Miranda was sure that her face was reddening. "That is not true. The commander wanted to discuss upgrades to her biotic amplifier."

"Doubtful," Mordin said. "All relevant information already logged in research terminal. Also, smell of ryncol."

Jack leaned closer and sniffed, prompting Miranda to push her away irritably. The convict cackled again.

"She totally does smell like ryncol!"

Miranda glared at her. "Shepard had a few drinks while we spoke. That doesn't mean that we - "

"Your lipstick is smudged," Jack interrupted smugly.

Miranda was  _definitely_ red in the face now.

Mordin chimed in. "And hair is tied back, too."

"Oh, yeah, I hadn't noticed!" Jack said brightly. "Hey, isn't that one of the commander's hair ties?" She grabbed Miranda's head and turned it to the side to get a better look. Miranda slapped her hand away, but it was too late.

"That  _is_ one of the commander's hair ties!" Jack crowed. "She uses the weird purple ones!"

"We didn't have sex!" Miranda insisted.

"Come on, cheerleader. Everyone heard the bootycall over the intercom."

"Indeed," Mordin said. "Physiological responses obvious as well. Face was flushed before exiting the elevator. Pupils dilated. Only one conclusion."

Miranda pushed past them, her face cherry red. "I don't have to sit here and listen to this nonsense."

Jack's laughter followed her all the way to her office.

**Author's Note:**

> I regret nothing.


End file.
